 A few weeks ago I made a facebook post about my sheer hatred for shadow boxing. I knew this statement was going to go three ways. One, I was going get waylaid on the merits of how important it is and the technical whys which I am totally okay with. I am aware I hover on the dramatic side and also aware the people I surround myself with will call me out and educate me on it. They did. Two, it was going to get compared to katas or forms and that was going to spark a debate, it did. And lastly three, it was going to create open season on me for anyone teaching a class I attended to extend shadowboxing time for like ever or when I got back Aaron was going to make me work on it, he did.
I was currently in the middle of writing my EIR (Ego Injury Report) for Fit to Fights Unlisted when today I had a training session with Aaron Kimball from TCB. I had been gone almost 8 weeks so I was pretty pumped to be back with my tribe there. We started with speed bag which is fine. I suck tremendously at it but enjoy the monotony of it; the frustration never exceeds mild irritation and it actually is peaceful to me. Then he decided we were going to do shadowboxing with this hard teardrop ball thing that swings from the ceiling and simultaneously hits you in the back of the head, I am sure there is a technical name for it but I don’t know it. What sent me over the edge was the double end bag set horizontally. I always find it funny how my head processes the things that I don’t care about looking like a fool and the things I do. There is 100% no correlation to which ones I absolutely abhor and which ones I can do and be okay looking stupid. It’s like my brain says you messed that up terribly and you look dumb, yeah totally put that on the internet and write about it. Then in the next breath I have this ridiculously small drill that I am doing in a room of maybe three people who aren’t even paying attention and I cannot do it. I decide I freaking hate it. My brain says well that just means you need to do it more, Aaron voices if you hate it then you need to do it more, I KNOW I am lacking in this area and I need to do it more, and all I want to do is take my karambit to said horizontal double end bag that I am currently looking like a leg less duck trying to bob and weave under and sling shot that b@star$ across the room. I get frustrated, I am not even out of breath, I am not even worn down, it’s seems fairly simple, my body will not do it, I hit melt down mode, I feel like a toddler in a tantrum, and in that moment something I love doing is not fun. I had started in on the Unlisted article about when it is not fun and after today decided I needed to expand on that thought more. Why it is important to keep going when you just flat out aren’t enjoying it. Well now that I have calmed down from my emotional flip out over a double end bag and am enjoying a nice americano from Java Dudes I like to think I can iron this out. Last night was grueling, three hours of a welcome back. Today I am sore after my class and my freakshow of boxing. So why? Why keep going? Why do all these training seminars and weekends? Why not stop when I hit a point of admitting to myself at certain points that this flat a$$ is incredibly hard and not fun? I mean hell I am 39 years old, I can just leave. I started Healthy Buffalo as a blog and resource for realistic self defense. I wanted to learn more and I wanted to provide more for the women around me. I hated the feeling in the back of my head thinking realistically I had this false sense of bravado and knowing that maybe, just maybe even after earning a black belt, I may not make it out of an attack alive. The bad guy was likely going to be bigger and all he needed was one good hit for me to panic, expel all my energy, trip over a curb, and forget all I had learned while he let me wear myself out enough to be hauled into a van. That’s reality. I know this. I mean I am making the odds more in my favor, but the fact of the matter is something Aaron Janetti said at Unlisted, self defense is a gamble. You can train and train and train and one variable goes wrong and you can lose. I want to even the score. I want to scream back at violence. I want to be deselected, and if I have to defend myself or my children, I want to do it as effective as possible. I want to beat the house on evil. I want to share what I know so that others are safer. I want to encourage people to take steps towards their personal safety. I want to build them up, but I want to call out and trim off the fake crap that flat out doesn’t work. I want my daughters and sons to draw lines for themselves. I want my kids safe. I want them to see the example of doing hard things. I want them to see the gains of brawling with adversity and as long as they learn, know they will not be defeated. And with that long list of wants comes the understanding that it is sometimes its going to make me cry, I will likely get hurt, its going to be an uphill scramble of suck, its not going to be fun. The Children’s Advocacy Center of Arkansas posted on Instagram today that there are 42 million survivors of childhood se¥u@l abuse in the US today. 42 million. To get that number to go down even by one is worth looking like an idiot to get it right and not have fun. All that ties together in self defense, its all linked. What we saw and dealt with as foster parents when it comes to physical and se¥u@l abuse was the drive to start at the foundations and build when it comes to safety. So that every day there are less victims and more people fighting back for themselves and those that can’t. Sun Tzu said, “Sweat more during peace, bleed less during war.” That’s it, that’s why you keep going when its not fun. Although I would say my mantra will likely be more along the lines of, “look like a fool and cry in training so you can John Wick in the streets.” Maybe a shallow inspiration, but the heart is there. Also, I need to buck up on the double end bag…… #stillnotjumpingrope #unfun#womensselfdefense #doubleendbag #TCB#shadowboxing#keepgoinguntilitlookslessdumb#childrensadvocacycenter #fightforfun#newoutlook #perspective #eventhescore#foundations
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