No Ladies Your Husbands Are Not Likely Going to be Able to Save You

I am going to assume here that most of us have likely seen the scene where Batman’s parents get murdered. They are walking down the street just coming back from an opera and even as a kid I questioned the decision making of ol Dr. Wayne here… He is worth gajillions, knowing this is an insane, diseased, crime ridden city, he is strutting down a dark alley with no witnesses and no easily accessible way out, he has no security, and thinks, hey sweet family let’s take a stroll at midnight we will be just fine… Unfortunately, as I type this, I am thinking that line of thinking is not that far off with the general public hence why I am writing this article. 
 
To be fair the good doctor, despite his serious lack of judgment on situational awareness, does engage with the criminal quite well offering him money while trying to talk him down. I believe in some versions the mom gives her pearls or they just scatter later when she hits the pavement for a dramatic effect, but Thomas doesn’t strut around being all ego ridden, he tries to diffuse. Still despite this it tragically ends with both he and his wife getting shot and sweet little boy Wayne left to become the scary, smoker voiced legacy that is Christian Bale *sigh.
 
A common statement I hear from women after they take one of my courses is that they feel their eyes are opened just a bit to the responsibility that is on THEIR shoulders. Something I hear quite often, and it is always said with honesty mixed with a tiny bit of sheepishness in the admittance, is that they always assumed that if they were with their spouse, they would save them.
 
The tagline for Carry Trainer with Mickey Shcuch is, “Be your own Calvary.” His page is constantly talking about how, “no one is coming to save you.” In everything I have seen and what I have researched, he is absolutely 100 % correct, and this is something that needs to be very much hammered home. 
 
In a lot of the scenario work drills I have watched and filmed; I see the men that come into these courses for various reasons just bomb them. Now I need you to know most of the time you do screw up in these, I don’t think I have ever not bombed. The point is to first have your eyes opened to the reality of actual force on force scenarios and then the other is to learn. These men are there because they are gun enthusiasts, military, law enforcement, or a civilian gun owner all wanting to responsibly train to make educated decisions in fight. All are there taking the steps to become better for themselves and those around them. And they bomb, they make terrible decisions when amped up, and these are the guys that are putting forth the effort for self defense. I am not slamming your spouse when I ask, has your significant other done that? Because if the men who took the time and cash out of their lives to go learn/run scene work make poor decisions during their drill when it is just them, throw in the variable of you being there. You are a hinderance.
 
I want to be clear that in this write up I am only addressing the thought process of “my significant other will be there to protect me;” not the other variable of the times they may not even be by your side.
 
A common thing that is asked of me in courses, especially moms is this, what about if my kids are present. Yes, that exactly. When I am by myself, I am a basic brontosaurus. I am jovial, friendly, smiling eating tree star leaves. When my kids are with me? I am a velociraptor. Get within fifteen feet of them and I will chew your face off while using my back talons to sort your small intestines from your large. The reason is because I can’t take the chance. I can’t give it a rest because the what-ifs are even more skewed and broad. 
 
I sit in these classes and watch everyday men who, just like me, get their a$$es handed to them and I am impressed with them and then even more scared for the general population of ladies who roll with the above way of thinking.
 
He is not going to save you because he can’t. In the martial arts world there is a joke that rolls around; basically any person, usually a man, that arm chair warriors about what he would do when attacked by saying, “I just see red and they are all dead” is made fun of. Because that is just flat out untrue. You may see red when you are threatened, but then you make poor decisions, then your adrenaline wears off with your poorly performed punches, and your lady friend is drug off by a third party. That’s reality. The truth is you rise to the level of your training. That’s it. And women, if you love him, don’t be another factor into him making a mistake, become an ally, become an asset.
 
But he carries a gun! Yep, have seen this scene too. I would venture to say that without the variable of the third party they are having to protect, when these drills are run with a pistol about 60 percent of them either can’t pull their gun, or if they do, it is used on them later. That’s without you there. 
 
To gain some fodder for this article I reached out to numerous law enforcement, first responders, and defense instructors for their opinion on just general questions of, how long is an average response to a 911 call in their city? What was, in their opinion, the average outcome for a man protecting his significant other in a self-defense situation? Pretty much everyone wrote back solidifying my point here. He won’t be able to save you; at best he will be a deterrent if he is of larger stature.
 
During my courses we eventually work our way up to what is called hand-fighting. This is where they are in a clinch with their partner, ear to ear, and trying to wrestle out of each other’s grip, preventing grabs, working the problems, etc. I announce that I am only going to run it for 30 seconds. When finished all of them are winded and surprised at how the time felt more like five minutes. I have a funny boxing t-shirt that says three minutes is a long time. 30 seconds is a long time, a lot can happen inside of that. The average national response time for 911 is ten minutes (smartsafeliving.com, also basically every LEO/first responder person I asked for this article). And that’s if you are capable of calling. If your spouse can’t even pull their weapon, they certainly can’t call for help.
 
Your man can be a deterrent but even that is a small variable. Chuck Smith, former law enforcement, laundry list resume of all things gunfighty, and owner/instructor of Five-O Tactical said, “Often when the male was engaged, the female was targeted by a 3rd participant, so the male’s presence was nullified.” This is not the fourth, fifth, sixth, or even tenth time I have heard from people who have run this field in law enforcement for years speak of an accomplice. Yes, your man may deselect you from a singular rapist on the trail, but in other settings you are getting your head slammed into the gravel while he is fighting off leader of the pack.
 
You are responsible for your safety, just like you are responsible for your children’s safety. Put the above perspective of your man's inability to protect you and replace it with you and your babies. What is the third party doing while you are engaged fighting off an attacker? Are you capable? Ladies I will tell you in every class my goal is for you to continue to take steps towards personal safety. My course is only a jumping off point, it’s barely shaved ice from a glacier. Make the move and stop being a liability. Be an asset, be a velociraptor and start shredding guts. Don’t end up like Mama Wayne, hole in head, pearls bouncing down the street leaving her child to sort out his grief by becoming an antisocial schizoid with a borderline personality disorder.
 
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