Gut punch yourself

A couple of years ago my boys and I were walking the Joplin mall. Henry, my youngest at the time, was 2, Gratton was 6, and Cole was 15. We live on forty acres and for the most part my kids run wild; I don’t really know what shenanigans they get up to on a nice day but when out in public I am basically a helicopter parent on speed. My kids are never outside of three feet of me in a store. I had squatted down to look at something as Henry eased himself onto my lap when in my peripheral I saw a tall man standing three feet away. Thinking nothing of him, I noted he was bald, mid 30’s, dressed in a tucked in t-shirt and construction boots, I smiled and thought to myself, this poor guy, his wife dragged him into a craft store. We went to the counter got our materials and left. We wandered across the way to Old Navy and when we came back out to the atrium the same man was standing right outside. I glanced at him and then made my way to the right towards TJ Maxx. We circled the normal route inside the store following traffic flow and when I approached the men’s section right before the checkout counter my neck felt hot and prickly. I snapped my head up and ended up staring straight into that same mans eyes only five feet away. I kept his gaze and sharply yelled at my boys, “Boys! Here right now!” I kept looking and held Henry’s hand when he turned around and quickly left.  

Did I overreact? Was I being paranoid as the police station said when I called and they played the crazy placating factor of, “ma’am, you know when you walk in a mall in several different stores you are likely to see the same faces…..?” Thank you sir…. I had never thought of that. Weird. I really don’t think so. See in the last store his actions were not normal, he didn’t follow the route, he stood entirely too close to me twice in two different stores, and when confronted with an assertive look and forceful speech he turned around and hightailed it out of there. I guess he didn’t find what he was looking for or he couldn’t get it. I am banking on the latter.

The name Healthy Buffalo came about late one night over vodka and sodas while brainstorming with my friend Annie. I was trying to explain what my concept was though I am sure three drinks in it was probably more of an over explanation with large sweeping gestures and a tumped glass….. I had been thinking of animals and how nature protects itself from predators and how we weren’t that different. I wanted women to be the healthy buffalo in the middle of the herd blending in for safety, it was just ironic and damned funny I thought at the time that I was comparing us girls to, in a sense, large hairy cows. If you are a sick buffalo or a weak one, you fall to the back of the herd and end up easily picked off by wolves. They circle and bite at the buffalo nipping until all its energy is drained and then they step in for the kill. Originally I was playing with the idea of how my goal was to give women an extra few seconds that could save their lives in an altercation. I was thinking of calling it Two Second Edge, however that sounded too much like a male reproduction problem, thus Two Second Edge became Healthy Buffalo. Annie and I giggled and toasted to the new name. The very next day she presented me with the turquoise logo that you see today, I was hooked. She is very good at her job, check her out at Living Water Co.

One of my friends showed me this video recently of a leopard stalking a deer. Even though the leopard was fast, outweighed the deer, and could likely take it head on, it actually snuck around and waited till the deer laid down to rest. Then it crept up behind taking its life with a quick bite to the neck. No damage to the leopard at all, dead deer. Why? Because nature. Predators do not want a difficult kill. They want simple, easy, and moving on with their day. A fight? Not really what they want, they reserve that for when they need to move up on the alpha scale to show they are the top dog. Human predators pick women who look like easy prey. Ones that look distracted or weak, or as in last weeks article, incapacitated and unable to fight back. 

In karate I remember learning move after move of how to get out of wrist grabs. I thought it was kind of dumb at the time only because I could not wrap my head around the fact that a man would actually grab a wrist to control a women when it truly is so easy to get out of. I started asking several men in my life and random ones while out (I got some weird side eyed looks, but hey, research…) about how they would control a woman they were trying to forcefully get to go with them? Some said fireman’s carry, but it was too flashy and they would get caught with the ruckus, some said bear hugs from behind, my dad said he would just punch her in the face to knock her out and transport her. Please remember this was a hypothetical question about control and putting themselves in a predators mindset. Though they answered honestly all were uncomfortable with the thought. These are good guys having to think about themselves doing something heinous and it didn’t settle well. One thing that stood out the most was that I would say 60% of the men I asked stated they would simply grab the woman by the wrist and pull her where they wanted. That blew my mind. I couldn’t figure how they actually thought the woman would just go with them. Why? What was their thinking? Well the answer is going to likely piss you off but it is true. 

You know how you hold a toddlers hand across the parking lot for safety? You know your grip can control the child, you know that you have a solid hold and have authority over their actions, well that’s the same subconscious mentality of a man with a wrist grab. They believe deep down in their bones they have the power and for the most part, according to statistics, they actually do. They are confident in their control and women go along with it like a toddler. It’s either the concept of hope or the power of suggestion; it works with a shirt grab as well. People follow people more confident than themselves and women have this hope that if they comply then they won’t get hurt. More often than not if you make it difficult for them, they might not even try in the first place. Or women feel because this person is so confident in their grab that they themselves have no way of escaping. Either way when you stand up in defiance to the abuser their confidence can be shattered, or at the very least they don’t want to draw attention to themselves. 

Frank McCourt wrote the book Angelas Ashes as an autobiography. In one of the chapters he tells the story of being present when his mother gave birth to his third or fourth brother. The midwife couldn’t make it for some reason and she only had his dad to assist her. The baby was born blue and not breathing. Frank remembers his dad grabbing the infant and immediately sucking on its nose then spitting on the floor. Turns out the baby had mucus clogged up his nasal passageway. Here is the thing, his dad was illiterate and if I remember right, didn’t even make it past the third grade in school so how in the hell did he know to do that? Hell for that matter how was he cool as a cucumber while catching a baby? The answer is animals remember? We have instincts that tell us when we are in danger or when we need to act quickly, though it seems here lately in light of self help books we tend to ignore those prickling sensations, that small voice of logic, and it seems we have dulled an important natural sense. 

I read a quote here recently though I have scoured the internet trying to find out who said, its very popular but no one seems to know the author. Sorry for the lack of cite… but the quote is this, “Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.”

I had a man hit on my friend Aileen and I one night in my early 20’s. It was nothing at the time to have strangers buy us drinks and we weren’t exactly careful. As stated in previous article, I had seen date rape drugs in action, it just seemed that it never registered to me to be cautious. In this instance though this incredibly attractive man gave a super cheesy pick up line of, “Well hello, if it isn’t Snow White and Sleeping Beauty…” yeah, I know…. However he managed to pull even that off, he shook hands with Aileen first and then reached out for mine. As soon as our palms touched I could not let go fast enough. Everything in me for some reason wanted nothing to do with him. My brain had instant alarms ringing to get away and get away fast. I pulled from his grip quickly and though it pissed off my friend, I said I wanted to go home immediately, I didn’t care how rude I sounded. We left and I never saw him again. Was he a serial killer? Was he a rapist? Hell I don’t know, we will never likely know. However, I was an oblivious young girl who let strangers buy her drinks all the time, walked to her car alone, and had I a cell phone, I likely would have been looking at it at the time unfazed and uncaring of the dangers around me. But, my natural instinct howled loud and proud that night and wanted to be heard with that man. You are an animal, listen to yourself. Be the healthy buffalo, hell be the feral kitty if that’s what floats your boat, but never ignore that baser gut punch screaming to get out of there.

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